Wednesday, October 30, 2013 at4:50 PM
美美是最好的！:D
Sunday, October 27, 2013 at10:12 PM
Don't know if I'm over thinking things.. But it's rly difficult.. Sigh.
at12:18 AM
勇敢一点，可以吗？
Saturday, October 26, 2013 at9:27 PM
勇敢的告诉自己，这不是我的。她，不是我的。
at12:46 PM
When you held both my hands tight in yours, it felt rly v nice. I felt v... Protected. And I realised how much I miss that feeling for a long time.
at12:06 PM
Well, I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this
It seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor
戒不掉
at3:56 AM
若无其事，是最好的选择吗？就可以当什么都没发生过吗？
Friday, October 25, 2013 at8:50 AM
Tell me, what can I do to make you feel better?
at8:37 AM
Maybe I'm rly the selfish one in the end.
Thursday, October 24, 2013 at1:33 AM
想復原 不難
等某天各自 出現下個牽絆
關於你 很自然 會煙消雲散
當初多喜歡 多糾纏
甚至 都想不起來
at1:29 AM
don't wait for me anymore. Don't accompany me and treat me so good anymore. Don't raise my hopes alr. 我再也不想抱着任何希望.
at1:26 AM
我也清楚 這次不該再心軟
對於 你的體貼 全然不責怪
反而羨慕起 有些人 分得不愉快
才捨得 轉身離開。
at12:38 AM
真的很恨这样的自己。觉得好没用。。
Wednesday, October 23, 2013 at11:35 PM
压力好大好大。刚发现多3天有考试。。心里的压力真的很大。也很累。刚刚回到我们初次见面的地方感触很多，也很想见你. Am I giving myself false hopes? I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
at9:45 PM
你在哪里？我好想你懂吗?
at9:45 PM
你在哪里？我好想你懂吗?
at2:53 AM
I miss you.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013 at10:48 PM
i just can't accept it, tell me, how do you expect me to accept that??
i don't feel like being at home, i just wanna go far far away. 想消失，也会消失的。
at2:45 AM
I miss you. At this hour. Sigh
at12:35 AM
I have nvr felt so dumb for a proj before. Nvr felt so stressed and helpless before. Just so tired. Rly dk what's going on. 也力不从心. Don't know how and where to start. Pls let this nightmare be over
原来我撑着撑到麻了
at12:31 AM
不懂该说什么好。反正说了有分别吗？也许是两边都非常爱也不舍得伤害他们，所以什么都不想说。可是你们有想过我心里会很难受吗？你们只顾虑到自己不是吗？说了也等于没说，我也不想再去跟你们吵了。什么也不想说了。
Monday, October 21, 2013 at9:33 PM
what's the point of having feelings if you can't show them? 哭了还不是一样. 不想面对只想一直逃避.
at8:09 PM
拥有是失去的开始
Monday, October 14, 2013 at1:24 AM
Reading H's and my blog can be quite funny. Haha. On the other hand, I'm pretty fcked up for madchem. Oh gosh. Sighhhhh
Sunday, October 13, 2013 at11:31 PM
Keep telling myself that I need to focus. I need to study. But I can't. I just can't.
at11:29 PM
只能每天问自己怎么办。。。心也不能专心读书了。好辛苦。每天一直想同样的问题。想到你，就觉得好心痛好心痛。明明知道自己将来会后悔还是选择这样做。我真的好累。。只能硬撑下去。我也不想看到你每天伤心。该怎么做呢？我好想买一张机票离开这里，什么都不想想。曾以为可以把你当朋友看待，却发现好难好难。每天要隐藏自己的感受真的好累。
someone give me a sign, what shld I do now?
give me sthing to hold on to
at9:12 PM
haiz. I feel defeated and lost.
at9:08 PM
WHEN WILL I BE OKAY? WHEN WILL WE BE OKAY?? WHEN WILL THIS PAIN DISAPPEAR?? 1 YEAR 2 YEARS?? I'M SO TIRED I DONT KNOW IF I CAN WAIT, I DONT KNOW HOW TO WAIT?? TELL ME HOW? WHEN WILL IT HURT LESS EVERYTIME I HEAR YOUR NAME? WHY MUST I GO THRU THIS?
at8:55 PM
Won't be okay. Wont ever be okay. Because I miss you. I miss you so much but yet I can't tell you. I don't know if i will ever regret doing this.
at2:10 AM
Feelings of sadness converted to hate. I wished I was more. I wished I could do more. much more than now. I chose not to fight for you. I chose this. what have I done? Could I have done this differently? I have never felt so lost before. Feelings of guilt coming back to haunt me. feelings of guilt when you hurt yourself. feelings of sadness and heartache. feelings of hatred that maybe if I chose a different path you would be happier. its so overwhelming yet I cant do anything.
13.10.13
at2:04 AM
I don't know how to feel right now. 本来应该坚决的决定已经被动摇了。I realised how much I missed you again. and I realised how much I can't do for you. I'm not as good as you think I am. I'm afraid. You've done your part of the deal, you gave me Sarangbit and guan huai fang shi. What if one day we don't owe each other anything anymore? Will I still get to see you? I know I can't be tying you down all the time. It's time to let go, I tell myself, but I can't. I can't keep tying you down with me. Go have a new life. Be happy. Be free. I just have to know that you're safe and happy somewhere, will do. Breaks my heart to see you sad. I know you don't deserve all this. You don't deserve being sad all the time. You said you're not sad but why are you crying everyday? Why must you hurt yourself because of me? Is this being happy? You don't deserve all this shit. You deserve better.
I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling of wanting you to stay. I can't imagine you not here. it scares me. I want you to stay....... I really really want to.. but can I? I hate this feeling. go awayyyy.
Day 6
at12:24 AM
The thought of you not here scares me
Saturday, October 12, 2013 at11:27 AM
Feeling lost. tell me Lord, what should I do now?
day 5
at11:22 AM
How can I wake up to this feeling every day? 一阵莫名的心痛。How long more before this feeling goes away?
Don't tell me the truth
Tell me that it didn't happen
There's been a mistake
There's been a misunderstanding
Dirty your hands
Tearing my heart into pieces
If this is the end
Then we whisper the wind and release it
(chorus)
We don't have to know
We don't have it all worked out
We can just keep walking blind
Don't give me your word
Give me something to hold on to
I don't want to fight
I don't want no big decision
I'm not afraid
for tearing your heart into pieces
12.10.13
at3:03 AM
its been a long day. mixed feelings. please don't cry kay? it was heartwrenching to hear you cry over the phone. and even worse to hear you say that you hurt yourself. How can I show you that everything will pass? Sometimes I wish I can be there for you when you needed someone. and it kills me to know that I can't do anything but hear you cry and feel my heart cringe.
11.10.13
Friday, October 11, 2013 at12:43 PM
So many people. So many faces. Yet why do I feel so alone?
11.10.13
at2:11 AM
Assurance assurance assurance. Aren't y'all a little selfish? Honestly I feel quite pissed that being the one in charged of my life, my own life I have to assure u stuff. Like srsly. Who is to assure me then? Do y'all know how painful it is for me? Who is to give me the comfort I need then????
at2:06 AM
Its been too long. and too many things have happened.
But I doubt, anyone, anyone at all is seeing this, so I'm gonna heck it and just pout out my thoughts here.
But I figured if I don't blog/rant it out I'll probably go crazy or sthing.
Rly too many things have happened and I dont know where to start. But let me start by saying this:
I think Ive fallen for a girl.
And I am so tired of hiding this relationship. I don't know if my heart can take it anymore. But I feel its reaching my limit and soon I will explode or collapse. Why am I so tired? I'm tired of trying not to hurt anyone in the process. I am selfish, but love is, isnt it? I use the word think, because I'm not sure. People tell me that I only like her as a good friend. I wish I know the answer too. I wish someone could tell me the answer. Because I am dying to find out. Well, She makes me happy, like really happy and she can make me feel really sad too. The kind of sadness that makes me feel like nthing all day. Sometimes I feel so strongly towards her and sometimes I don't. What's wrong w me, I really don't know but I know that its really taking a toll on me. I've tried to let go, trust me, I did. But I can't. Okay fine. I dont know if I cant or maybe I just don't want to. Cos probably I cant picture her out of my life. Is this a form of addiction?
And I rly want to say sorry to those I have hurt by lying. I just need to get this off my chest. Probably I can't find anyone to talk to and its rly killing me sometimes.
I have to admit that I really didn't think I will fall for her because she is not what Ive dreamt of someone I like would be. In fact, she is the total opposite of my dream partner. I need someone who is stable, makes me feel secure, someone as boring as me, someone I can picture myself with, someone who is really predictable and guai and hardworking. But she is so different. She is beyond all that. Never would I have imagined that I would actually fall for someone like that. She is not my ideal type at all, but why do I feel this way? I feel like I've been taken on a roller coaster ride of emotions, a spectrum of both extremes, sadness and happiness.
I feel so upset. I can't imagine life without u.. I'm a mess and I can't help it.
