darknessstillremains

真的很痛。everytime I wake up its a torture. A torture to face reality again. Esp if I dream of you, my heart will hurt twice as much. Maybe I have no rights to scold you because I'm feeling the same too. Feeling like hurting myself to find an escape, but I just dont have the courage to do so. All I can do is sleep the pain away. But sleeping becomes v painful when I start dreaming of you. When I start hearing your voice. So torturous to wake up. I wished i'd nvr had to wake up.

我觉得自己很假。也是带着面具对我家人。i think i uds how u feel now. how do you expect me to treat them the way I used to knowing that they forced me to make a choice?  And how do you expect everything to be the same again when I know how they once treated you?

很恨自己没有在你很需要人的时候陪你。不能在你身边,不能再听你诉苦, 也知道每次你受伤我都不在你身边。想到你一个人在医院的事,我真的感到很内疚,很心痛很心痛。 真的让我看清了自己有多没用, 有多无助, 一次又一次的伤害你。只能等到事情过了才发现也太迟了。只能觉得心痛而什么事都不能做, 现在说什么也太迟了, 只能和你说对不起,是我疏忽了,也太没用了。

好想逃得远远的。  not ready to face any of this.

很累也很痛苦。如果爱是这样的话,我不想再体会这个感觉。真的很难受。再也不想爱上任何人了。

真的很辛苦 。不能和你讲话,不能知道你的消息,我很痛苦。不懂这句话是和自己说还是和你说的, " 一切都是注定的, 是你的终究会就是你的, 不是你的再勉强也没有用 " 只能以这句话, 坚持下去。

Heart hurts like fuck. Too damn cruel. This is too cruel to me.

心痛到每次醒来都是一种折磨。

Not letting anyone in, not ever.

我想了一个晚上终于算是想通了。我们还可以做回朋友。你也不用害怕我父母会叫我做出选择,因为我比你想像中更有原则好吗。哈哈。真的我会说服他们, 你什么都不用担心,只要振作起来,把太多负面的想法丢掉, 把以前的惠美找出来就好,好吗?

你不是一个人的。。你还有我。。 虽然不能在一起,可是我会在。给我时间,我会在的。。

Today, your sis will be out alr. Hopefully, with her by your side you will feel better.

我们该怎么办?只知道自己累了。。。。不想继续这样了。

I think I owe you an apology. . For not telling your friend, 为了我跟我家人好。。 对不起, 是我让你受到伤害了。。   it shld not be like that. . Yet I cant do anything. . Rky feeling damn bad.. keep thinking whether are you okay or not. .  Please at least tell me if you're feeling better alr, please? I'm still so worried whether will he still come find u..

Please, please feel better. I would give anything to make you feel better again.

对不起。。不要说这种话,可以吗? 都是我不好。。please feel better.. how do I make u feel better again...

心里还是酸酸的。需要跟自己说该振作起来了。明天会离开,希望一切会好起来,希望你会好起来, 也希望谁也不回来找你麻烦了。。你,一定一定要尊守诺言。。

善有善报，恶有恶报，不是不报，而是时辰未到。
Need to let it out or else I will keep thinking abt it. You will probably nvr see this but I still cant take it lying down.  I don't even dare to lay a finger on her and you dare to beat her up. if you got the guts, u will come find me straight. damn childish. 真的很看不起你这种人。 are you even a guy? a real gentleman talks and doesn't use his fists. freaking childish. shall not stoop to your level. shall let retribution befall u.

每次读了你的blogposts 后都会很心疼。。 你还是不说。。 算了。 太多负面的感觉使的我们都很不开心。。things will get better.. cheer up and stay strong Huimei.

明天就要飞了。说好会先放下一切,回来才打算,可是自己做得到吗。。

从朋友口中听到你的名我不知如何回答才好。。 everything just reminds me of you.

你还是自称为我好就不说。我真的不问,是对的吗?

懂得放下也许是一种解脱。

不想多问了，也不想知道了。 可能如果我不问你，你会比较好一点。。可是终究还是很希望你会说。。只能一直担心你，想你会没事吗。想他们还会打你吗。
let me handle it pls?

我，口口声声说讨厌家人，可是最后还是嘴硬心软，他们生病时还是会感到心痛。。还是一天过一天，每天醒来都是一种折磨，一直梦到我们却什么都不能做，好残忍，为什么要给我梦到你呢，醒来时，却要面对一个人的寂寞和空虚。 麻木了，什么都不想去面对。。

Im sorry, but in the future, if I have my own kids, I won't ever treat them the way you did to me. Now, it's not other's fault.. cant you see it? That you yourself, youre tearing this family apart. Oh I want to keep this family tgt, im sure you are my girls you can do well.. fuck it la. Deep down you know how fucked up this shit is. So much distrust,  u saying abt mummy in my face is keeping the family tgt? Yes, yes go ahead with your way, part of me has died alr. Doesnt fucking matter anymore.

Yup, im a fucking disappointment. You don't know what ive been thru and what im thinking and you dare say im like you? Sorry, but I will look at you differently  from now on.

Be like that then, what have I got left? I've got nothing to lose.

its rly killing me to not know what happen.. 拜托你们，给她时间。。也不这样对她。。

惠美,

没有你的消息,我想,我真的快要疯了。现在什么都不重要,只希望你会没事。只希望你不那样对自己。还是很希望你能够赶快勇敢站起来, 振作一点。因为你这样我看了很心痛可是又无能为力, 真的很痛, 是一种无形的折磨懂吗? 所以我求你, 不要这样好吗?

我知道你的感受，全都知道。可是不要这样好吗？我求你，不要这样对自己。

to you,

I'm sorry.

sorry I wasn't a good gf to begin with. If I can start all over again, I would treat you better, 不会给你担心我，也不会给你吃醋，我也会更细心地对待你。对不起，我除了对不起，真的不懂要说什么好。我真的很恨自己，为什么要这样伤你。也恨自己要找一个发泄的管道可是却没有勇气伤自己。 我答应过你从来都不会放弃你，可是自己让你失望了，对不起。

我很想打电话给你，但没有勇气听你声音。 也有很多的话想说，但是说不出口，怕会是最后一次和你说话。

我累了。想一直睡，最好永远都不要醒。tired of hating myself. Hating myself for giving myself false hopes, giving you false hopes. Tired of hurting my parents, hurting you. Tired of making decisions. Decisions that will hurt my loved ones. Hate it that it started with me. All with me. 我没有后悔爱上你，只是后悔为什么我没把事情处理好，为什么我躲得不够好，也后悔没有早点做你女朋友。太多的遗憾让我心很痛，真的痛到我很想用一把刀去桶它。

biography .

Denise . <3.
me, i, myself .

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EXITS A8G5 Amanda.L Aishah Anna Cassandra Daryl Dineesha Donovan Eevon Eugenia fbi.c210 Genevieve Jasmine Jermain Jessica June Kairu K.Xinying LooKuang Marianne Mervin Pamela Phangling Priscilla Priscilla Tan Shihui Stacy Syai Weineng Weiyang Xinyi Yenny

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June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 May 2010 February 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014

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Please do not remove the credits. Thanks(:
Designer: Fly.away
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Hosted: Blogskins