Friday, October 11, 2013 at2:06 AM
Its been too long. and too many things have happened.
But I doubt, anyone, anyone at all is seeing this, so I'm gonna heck it and just pout out my thoughts here.
But I figured if I don't blog/rant it out I'll probably go crazy or sthing.
Rly too many things have happened and I dont know where to start. But let me start by saying this:
I think Ive fallen for a girl.
And I am so tired of hiding this relationship. I don't know if my heart can take it anymore. But I feel its reaching my limit and soon I will explode or collapse. Why am I so tired? I'm tired of trying not to hurt anyone in the process. I am selfish, but love is, isnt it? I use the word think, because I'm not sure. People tell me that I only like her as a good friend. I wish I know the answer too. I wish someone could tell me the answer. Because I am dying to find out. Well, She makes me happy, like really happy and she can make me feel really sad too. The kind of sadness that makes me feel like nthing all day. Sometimes I feel so strongly towards her and sometimes I don't. What's wrong w me, I really don't know but I know that its really taking a toll on me. I've tried to let go, trust me, I did. But I can't. Okay fine. I dont know if I cant or maybe I just don't want to. Cos probably I cant picture her out of my life. Is this a form of addiction?
And I rly want to say sorry to those I have hurt by lying. I just need to get this off my chest. Probably I can't find anyone to talk to and its rly killing me sometimes.
I have to admit that I really didn't think I will fall for her because she is not what Ive dreamt of someone I like would be. In fact, she is the total opposite of my dream partner. I need someone who is stable, makes me feel secure, someone as boring as me, someone I can picture myself with, someone who is really predictable and guai and hardworking. But she is so different. She is beyond all that. Never would I have imagined that I would actually fall for someone like that. She is not my ideal type at all, but why do I feel this way? I feel like I've been taken on a roller coaster ride of emotions, a spectrum of both extremes, sadness and happiness.
I feel so upset. I can't imagine life without u.. I'm a mess and I can't help it.
